Monday, February 8, 2010

Two explanations of one more day (OMD)

Joe Quesada's explanation.

"Now, as to how to explain this to your kids, well, I would suspect it's the same as one would explain just about any of the classic happenings in the Marvel U or world of Spider-Man. I think it's very easy to say that within the stories of the Marvel U, while there are fun, action adventures to be had, within so many of our stories, there are very complex and sophisticated metaphors and allegories. In short, comic books are morality plays acted out with brightly colored characters in spandex. So...

What would you say to your child if they came to you and asked, why Peter Parker let the bad guy go who eventually killed his Uncle and left his aunt a widow? Does this make Peter a bad guy, a villain, a dirt bag? I mean he certainly could be perceived that way. I think you would take the time to explain that it was a huge mistake, but that Peter took from it a life altering lesson and that lesson set him on the path to become a great hero and served as the chief motivational factor in his development as a hero.

What would you say to your child if they asked how it was possible for Spider-Man to lose a battle with the villain (which is something that was a breakthrough idea for super hero stories when Stan and Steve thought of it)? Super heroes don't lose! Or how about when Peter hung it up and gave up being Spider-Man in "Amazing Spider-Man" #50? Does this make Spider-Man weak, a quitter, a coward or less of a super hero? I think you would tell your child that sometimes you don't win all the time in life, but the lesson to learn from Peter Parker is that no matter how down you get, like Peter, dust yourself off and go out there and fight again.

What would you say to your child if they asked you if they should resolve disputes in school or amongst friends with fisticuffs because that's what Spider-Man does? Does this make Spider-Man a bully? I think you would explain the difference and how not all disputes and disagreements can be resolved with ones fists.

So, how would you explain Mephisto? Quite simply I would say that sometimes there are bad people out there who want to take advantage of you and sometimes they show up and do so when you are at your weakest moment. You can also say that not all decisions in life are simple ones.

But also, you do have to keep in mind that Mephisto is simply a construct of the magical spectrum of the Marvel Universe while divorce is a real and tragic fact of life that far too many kids are confronted with every day. Also, many people would argue that divorce has become far too casual and commonplace in our society. Anyway, I hope that helps in some way.

My explanation of OMD:


A character who is not just a hero but a fucking SUPERhero and idol to millions sold his soul to the devil to keep alive a very old woman who in any plausible universe would already BE dead, at the expense of his wife, himself and his marriage, not to mention any children of said marriage that might have existed. This single indefensible act makes Spider-Man not just "not a superhero" but in fact makes him a cocksucking satan-loving fucktard.


Arrogant moral relativists who have taken control of Marvel comics, and the bean counters behind them, have fallen into the trap of a baker who doesn't care if the once-good products of his oven now contain just a shade too many syringes, tampons and rat turds to be healthy. Sure, a dwindling number of cake addicts are still eating them, but the hubristic idea that somehow people will choke down poison is a losing bet long term.

The difference between me and most people? I will TOTALLY uppercut the same fucker FOREVER. Even when they're already dead.

Sep 17, 2008 > Age Of Sentry > #1 (OF 6)

Age Of Sentry #1 (OF 6)

Review by Jimski:

Age Of Sentry #1 (OF 6)
Price: $2.99
There was no warehouse fire, you understand. The Library of Congress is still standing.

If you want a Silver Age or Golden Age book with straightforward, corny storytelling and crayon box coloring populated by aw-shucks simpletons, you can get your hands on actual Silver Age or Golden Age books. It's not even hard. They reprint them all the time. There is no need, none whatsoever, to foist this cutesy-poo kitschy wink-wink garbage on the marketplace. This "Grindhouse" school of thought, where we spend $70 million to make a movie look and sound like a crappy older movie that's been kept in the garage since 1971-- a movie which you haven't seen and could easily just go watch-- is a goddamned blight on the culture.

You've read everything Ditko ever worked on? You've finished every issue of the Flash from 1957?

Well, go read 'em again. Trees are getting cut down for this detritus.

On goes the never-ending campaign to manufacture relevance for the least essential character created in the last 10 years! Jam jam jam goes history's shoehorn, violently wedging this featureless glob of chewed up Wonder Bread into a past where he never was and doesn't belong! Again we bask in manufactured nostalgia for a time we did not even experience in the first place! Tune in next issue, when it is revealed that the Sentry is the one who irradiated the spider!

How long? How long must we sing this song?

Giving someone money for this product helps, in its own small way, to make the world a worse place to live in.
Story: 1 - Poor Art: 1 - Poor

How To Fix Wonder Woman, A Step By Step Guide To Playing Better Golf

I herebelow do offer two alternative ways to fix Wonder Woman. As with most DC characters ("properties") and half of Marvel's post-Bendis cluster fuck ("universe") the third, best, alternative will never happen since they aren't characters to be written about, they ARE properties to be marketed. Thus, never to have an end, thus, never to rise to mythic status. Kid yourself all you want, media mind control keeping sad homoerotic shit like Batman front and centre in the minds of 235,000 people is not mythic. Ditto star wars and its endless siphilis of spinoffs. Minus the marketing they are dead in the water.

SO on to Wonder Woman.

3. Shoot her in the fucking head, kill her dead. Never revisit or resurrect her. (As I said, the best option for the walking tripe of the "big" "two" (more like medium sized one given the constant talent incest) but it won't happen. You don't kill trademarks. That IP costs money, yo. Plus there could be a film in it, oy vey I'm telling you.)

2. Make Wonder Woman the bull bisexual bondage fairy she started off as. In fact, she's little better than a softcore sex robot from day one, so make her what she was intended to be.

1. (the "sensible" option). Marvel stupidly added Superman to a universe blessedly free of such crap, so return the favour. Only instead of retconning the hundredth unwanted "golden" "age" (it was eight fucking years long and four of those years were gayer than Ryan Seacrest and more emotionally retarded than Alan Moore fans) just take her back to the day of her origin (obsessive fanwankers will surely be able to pin that down to week and month at least) and make her the living symbol of liberty, and basically the DC universe's Captain America. This will involve doing a few things though:

a) stop hiring middle of the road shrill internet critics who do abysmal fucking femocomics to write the character. They don't need a war veteran to write Captain America, why the fuck do they need a critic, let alone an actual FEE-mayull to write Wonder Woman? WW is by far one of the least sexy and indeed least feminine characters evarr. Fuck, Batman's more feminine, by a country mile.

b) give her a Red Skull, an Arnim Zola and so on back in her 1930s to 1940s adventures.

c) make the comic actually start in the 1939 era. for fuck's sake she's totally irrelevant to modern day shit in the DC comics anyway. so take her out for a good long time.

c) II if not, then split her comic which apparently HAS to exist between her golden age adventures or indeed any of her past adventures over the decade and her current day shit. Which really truly is SHIT.

WW = Captain America. It totally makes sense. So that too would make it unique in modern DC.

Oh and DC? Leave Captain Marvel the fuck alone, OK? Your scummy golden age was all about paedos, not the Calvin of the 1940s, so just leave him the FUCK alone. You only stole him cause he outsold Superman. And if he was done properly, he still would.